


(It's New) The Shape of Your Body

by FallingLikeThis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Don't read for that tag alone, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Football, Hurt/Comfort, I just want everyone to be safe, Like the talk of abortion and stuff, M/M, Mentions of Abortion, Mentions of pain and nausea, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Mutual Pining, No Smut, OT5 Friendship, Pain medicine that makes Louis high, Rated Mature for subject matter, birthing class, delivery type stuff, omc is the father of the baby but there is no onscreen sex between him and Louis, the hate is not strong with this one, typical pregnancy stuff, you'll be disappointed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-10-29 07:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20793086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingLikeThis/pseuds/FallingLikeThis
Summary: Taking a deep breath, Louis tears open the packet and holds the test in his hands. Deep down he already knows what it’s going to say. He can feel the certainty of it in his bones but he needs to see it. He needs confirmation.Movies always make it look like you have to wait a bit to know, like you have to set a timer and give it a few minutes, wringing your hands for an answer. Even the box says it’ll take time, but it actually only takes a second after Louis pees on the strip to see the two pink lines appear that tell him what he already knew. He’s pregnant.“Oh god,” he breathes, staring down at it. And just like he’d known the test would be positive, he knows now that everything about his life is about to change.





	(It's New) The Shape of Your Body

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you forever to Sus for being an amazing cheerleader and keeping me accountable for my writing. Also, for adding your beta superpowers after the fact. And thank you to my original betas Michelle, Dee, and Lynda for cleaning up the messes I made. You were all invaluable to this story. Any messes left behind are my own.
> 
> A lot of the pregnancy bits are based off of my own experiences, as well as some of the financial things. As I am American and Louis is not, they may be wrong so please suspend your disbelief.
> 
> Small glossary:  
Cot = crib  
Moses basket = bassinet  
These are only mentioned once but I know I would have been confused if I saw them with no explanation.

Louis hates doing the walk of shame. Not because he’s actually ashamed or anything. He just has the worst roommate ever and he hates the judgmental look on Harry’s face every time Louis walks into their room the morning after. He’d skip going home at all if he didn’t need to shower and grab his books for class. And the thing is, Louis hasn’t even _ had _ a one night stand since he started dating Cole near the end of last year. It’s just that Cole is _ really _ dedicated to his studies, so he’ll let Louis sleep over after they have sex but, the next morning, Louis has to skedaddle so that Cole can concentrate or whatever. 

Cole isn’t exactly the kind of guy he imagined himself with, but he’s sweet when he has the time to be and he seems to like Louis well enough. Louis knows that’s not the basis for a _ real _, long-term relationship, but it’s what he has. Whether he should be letting himself settle for it when he knows he wants more is another matter entirely. And maybe that’s the kind of thing he would ruminate on with his roommate over a few beers every once in a while if they could actually stand talking to each other. As it is, he doubts Harry even has any clue that he’s had a boyfriend for a while now. He probably still thinks Louis’ a slag who will get off with anyone who blinks at him. 

Louis doesn’t even know how he ended up with Harry as a roommate again. Staying in the dorms is mandatory the first year of uni, so he couldn’t escape Harry last year, but he should be living it up with his best friend Liam this year in an off-campus apartment that’s just theirs. Instead, he’s got the off-campus apartment and he even lives with Liam, but it’s an expensive two-bedroom that needs four people to pay the rent. _ And _ instead of sharing a room with Louis, Liam is sharing a room with the boyfriend he’d managed to snag last year, Zayn. Zayn is a pretty good guy actually. Louis likes him. Unfortunately, _ his _ best mate is Harry. So, Louis is stuck.

Sure enough, as soon as Louis walks into their room, Harry gives him a critical once-over before dismissing him entirely to go back to whatever he was sketching. Louis grabs some new clothes and a towel and heads to the bathroom for his shower. He doesn’t know why Harry gets under his skin so much. He just seems… so pretentious and high on himself now. To him, Louis is probably just a dumb jock he doesn’t even think deserves to be at the prestigious school he got into. 

Why couldn’t Harry be as cool as Zayn? There was a time when it seemed he might be. They’re both art students, but Zayn doesn’t judge Louis. Doesn’t think he’s lesser because he’d rather be playing footie than studying all the time. Doesn’t look at him with disdain when he comes home from a night spent blowing off steam. 

As the warm water slides over Louis’ body, he tries to let it wash away his irritation. He shouldn’t even care what Harry thinks of him. It would make things better in their house if the two of them could manage more than cold civility when the situation called for it. 

That _ should _be the only reason for Louis to be bothered so much by their lack of a real relationship, but he can grudgingly admit to himself (sometimes) that it’s not. He’d had hope for them when he’d met Harry last year. He had been a cute 18-year-old with rounded cheeks and a ready smile. But the more they learned about each other, the more it seemed like they came from different worlds that the other just didn’t belong in. Louis liked sports and playful pranks and Harry liked museums and following the rules. Louis liked staying out late with friends and hooking up with pretty boys at frat parties while Harry liked going to cheese and wine parties with his hipster friends and being in bed early. The two of them quickly became distant and that distance somehow turned into dislike, at least on Harry’s side it seems. They can exist together, but only if they don’t try to interact with each other. And that’s hard for Louis because, for some reason, he can’t let go of his fondness for that fresh-faced Harry he’d had such high hopes for.

When he’s finished showering, Louis turns off the water with a heavy sigh and reaches out for his towel, drying himself off a bit before stepping out. Harry always gets extra stroppy when Louis leaves water everywhere after a shower and he doesn’t have the energy to put up with it today. He’s been feeling a little run down lately and this morning he’d woken up with some weird cramps in his stomach too. 

As he dresses, he’s seriously considering skipping class and just taking a nap instead. He feels drained already and he’s only in his underwear and the cosy jumper that practically called out to him when he was grabbing his clothes. The need for comfort is real and, for some reason, he’s been feeling it a lot lately. Eyeing the jeans in his hands with distaste, Louis decides that a nap is definitely happening. No trousers required. He’ll have to make sure he gets up in time to make it to football practice later. He’s just glad he doesn’t have to work today too. The days when he has class, practice, _ and _ work are hellish when he has so little energy.

He tosses his jeans carelessly in the direction of the closet as he walks out of the bathroom, going straight to his bed to crawl under the covers and curl up surrounded by warmth. He can feel Harry’s gaze on his back, the room suddenly silent of the scritching noise his pencil makes against his sketchbook page. 

After what has to be a full minute of waiting for it, Louis rolls his eyes, unsurprised by the disapproving, “Don’t you have a class to go to?” that Harry tosses at him. 

Louis snuggles further under his covers, curling in on himself as he closes his eyes. “Not feeling well.”

It goes quiet again and Louis is halfway to falling asleep when Harry’s voice disturbs his almost-slumber. 

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, like maybe he’s afraid Louis has a headache and he doesn’t want to make it worse. The idea that Harry’s trying to be considerate makes Louis raise his head and turn to look at him. He knows Harry is capable of being perfectly lovely, it’s just that it’s been so long since he’s been nice to _ Louis _ that it’s a bit of a surprise. Louis studies him for a moment, takes in the real concern in his eyes and swallows harshly. 

“Think I’ll be okay. Just feeling really tired lately,” Louis replies just as quietly, some part of him waiting for the peace to break at any moment. It always does. 

Louis actually _ sees it _ when Harry’s face clouds over a second later, his tone biting when he murmurs, “Up late last night?” He doesn’t wait for Louis’ answer, immediately going back to his sketch like Louis isn’t worth the time he’s already spent on him.

Louis drops his head back down onto his pillow with a sigh. “Sure, if that’s what you want to believe.” 

Harry is gone when Louis wakes up from his nap, but he barely notices as he rushes to get to football practice.

*

To say that football practice is going poorly would be an understatement.

“My grandmother could run faster than that, Tomlinson! Get it in gear!”

Louis pushes himself a little harder, trying to speed up and catch up to Cortez. On any other day, he would have stolen the ball already and been heading back towards his goal. He would have made his shot and gone back to the end of the line to study the others as he waited for his turn again. 

But today is not like any other day. Today, Louis’ limbs feel like sacks of concrete weighing him down. The dull, throbbing ache of cramps in his stomach seeming to pulse with every step he takes.

He doesn’t even come close to catching Cortez before the ball is soaring into the net and Louis walks back to the end of his line with his head hung and his hands clutching his stomach.

“You okay, Lou?” Niall asks, turning as Louis gets in line behind him, concerned gaze aimed at Louis’ hands. “You don’t have a stomach bug, do ya?”

“Nah, I’m alright,” Louis insists. “Just a bit crampy for some reason.”

“What? You got your period, Tomlinson?” Jackson jeers from in front of Niall. He’s always been a bit of a prick and a nosy bastard.

“Nah, mate. Was up all night getting busy. Must’ve overworked meself,” Louis replies easily, playing up the pain before winking at Jackson with a smirk. “Tell your mum I said hi.”

Jackson snorts, shaking his head as he turns back around.

“You know, that’d be a lot funnier if you weren’t gay,” Niall murmurs, knocking Louis in the shoulder. “Should’ve said his dad.”

“Eh, he got the point,” Louis grimaces as the pain throbs again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I’ve got these stomach cramps and absolutely no energy. All I wanna do is eat avocado toast and sleep.”

“Hmm,” Niall hums in acknowledgment as he turns to watch Briggs and Markov face off.

Louis isn’t sure Niall understands the seriousness of what he just said. “Mate,” he says, grabbing Niall’s shoulder and turning him to make sure he’s paying attention. “I used to _ hate _ avocado toast. And lately, it’s all I want!”

“Maybe your taste buds are changing,” Niall says calmly with a shrug. He follows the statement up with a quiet chuckle but no comment, leaving Louis too curious to let it go.

“What?” Louis asks.

“What, what?” Niall asks back.

“You laughed. What was so funny?” Louis feels suddenly defensive. He’s not even sure why.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Niall tries to wave it away but Louis won’t have it.

“No, tell me,” he insists, crossing his arms over his chest. “What made you laugh?”

“It’s nothing, Lou. Really,” Niall says again but he indulges Louis this time when he notices the stubborn look on Louis’ face. “I was just thinking that you sound just like my sister-in-law when she was pregnant with Theo.”

Niall laughs again but Louis’ entire body stiffens at the word ‘pregnant’. 

“See? It was stupid,” Niall points out jovially while Louis’ breath catches in his chest. As Niall turns back to watch their teammates once more, he has no idea that Louis’ world has just been halted. 

“Oh, god,” Louis whispers, raising a hand to cover his mouth when he realizes someone might have heard his tiny freak-out. Luckily, it seems no one did. 

He can’t finish practice. There’s no way he can pretend he’s not having flashbacks to the conversation he had with his mother and doctor back when he’d hit puberty. The one where they told him that he had a rare condition that meant he was part of the .001% of the male population that could become pregnant. He can’t pretend he’s not flashing back to that night a couple of months ago when Cole had insisted that the condom hadn’t broken and Louis was just being paranoid. 

“Tomlinson!” Coach yells, breaking Louis out of his terrifying thoughts. “You’re up!”

“Coach, can I--?” He can hear his voice break even as he cuts himself off. He feels like he might be sick. “I’m sorry. I don’t feel well.”

Maybe Coach can see it in Louis’ eyes because he doesn’t give Louis as much shit as he normally might, ordering him to go home, rest up, and come back next practice looking like he actually knows how to play the sport. 

Louis thanks him, walking fast for the locker rooms. He showers quickly, though he keeps finding himself staring down at his stomach, fear curling tighter around his spine every time he catches himself. 

Oh, god. What if he’s pregnant? 

*

Louis knew that he couldn’t just go to the local chemist’s shop and pick up a pregnancy test like it was business as usual. He didn’t want to risk anyone he knew seeing him with it. He’s an out gay man, everyone would know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend and, as terrified as he was sure he must have looked, there was no way he would be able to pass it off as picking one up for a friend. So, Louis had borrowed Liam’s car and driven forty-five minutes away to a Boots he was sure he wouldn’t be recognized in. He had half a mind to grab a basket and toss in some toiletries, maybe some shampoo, anything to camouflage the one thing he was really there for but, in the end, he just decided to bite the bullet. He’d walked in, craning his neck to see what was on each aisle until he found the right one and snatched the first pregnancy test he saw before hightailing it to the register to pay. 

All the time he’d spent driving back and forth to acquire the test and bring it back home, his anxiety had been churning slow and insistent in his stomach. But that’s nothing compared to what he’s feeling now that he’s got it home in his bathroom. Louis has no idea what he’s going to do if the test comes back positive. 

Taking a deep breath, Louis tears open the packet and holds the test in his hands. Deep down he already knows what it’s going to say. He can feel the certainty of it in his bones, but he needs to see it. He needs confirmation. 

Movies always make it look like you have to wait a bit to know, like you have to set a timer and give it a few minutes, wringing your hands for an answer. Even the box says it’ll take time, but it actually only takes a second after Louis pees on the strip to see the two pink lines appear that tell him what he already knew. He’s pregnant. 

“Oh god,” he breathes, staring down at it. And just like he’d known the test would be positive, he knows now that everything in his life is about to change. 

Dropping the test onto the counter, Louis sinks down to the floor, knees pulled to his chest as he breaks down. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not now. Not when he’s barely started his life. And certainly not with a man he doesn’t love.

“No,” he cries into his knees, holding them tightly as he rests his head on them. He sobs until he has a headache from it and then just rests there, eyes shut against the light so it doesn’t make the pain worse. He’d shut the light off, but he doesn’t have the energy.

After a while there’s a soft knock on the bathroom door, but Louis doesn’t move. “Louis?” Harry’s voice calls tentatively. “You okay in there?”

“Fine,” he says, ignoring the way his voice breaks and hoping that Harry doesn’t notice either. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

He wonders how long Harry’s been home, how long he’s known Louis was in the bathroom. Did he hear Louis crying? It doesn’t matter, he guesses. Harry will just think he’s an even bigger slag when he finds out Louis is pregnant and go back to disapproving of his existence. 

Sniffing, Louis pulls himself up from the floor and stares at his reflection in the mirror. He looks like shit. His eyes are red-rimmed and his face is puffy. The catalyst sits on the counter in front of him and Louis swiftly snatches it up, stuffs it in the box it came in, and buries it in the bin by the toilet. 

He turns on the sink and washes his hands thoroughly, like if he washes hard enough he can wash his hands of this entire day, this entire sad situation he’s got himself in. He gathers some water in his hands, washing his face in the hopes that it’ll help him look a little less like the world has ended. He doesn’t really think it does. When he’s done, he dries his hands and opens the door. 

Harry is sitting at his desk reading something, probably an assignment, and he looks up when Louis opens the door. Louis only spares him a glance before walking past him and collapsing into his bed. Sleep. He needs to sleep. It won’t fix anything, but maybe it’ll help him forget for a while. 

*

Louis gets up in the morning and goes to class. He barely absorbs anything, moving on autopilot, but he’s where he’s supposed to be when he’s supposed to be there so at least there’s that. 

The truth is, Louis has been keeping his mind carefully blank since he woke up this morning. He sits through his first class, copying the notes he’s supposed to copy, and then he walks to meet Liam at the coffee shop across campus and share a drink with him, nodding in all the right places as Liam tells him about his date with Zayn last night. Normally, he’d joke about what soppy fuckers they are, still going on dates when they live together and sleep next to each other every night. He’d laugh and tease and smile, but today he does none of those things and it doesn’t slip past Liam’s notice. 

“Are you okay, Louis?” Liam says, reaching across the table to place a reassuring hand on top of Louis’ own. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis answers, giving his best approximation of a smile. “Just a bit tired is all. No worries.”

He could tell Liam. He knows he could. But Liam is living his best life right now, a life that Louis definitely covets but would never take away from him in a million years. He doesn’t want to burden Liam with his problems. So he won’t tell him. Not until he has to. 

“You’ve been feeling run down for a while though, right? Maybe you should see a doctor, mate,” Liam tells him, hand gripping his wrist in a gentle squeeze. 

God bless him, he’s looking at Louis with such care that Louis has to swallow against a sudden tightness in his throat. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Louis gives him another attempt at a smile. “I’ll make an appointment.”

“Good,” Liam smiles back, releasing his wrist. “Gotta take care of yourself, Lou. Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Yeah, same, Li,” Louis says, nudging Liam’s foot under the table so that he knows Louis means it. And if he’s still fighting the tightness in his throat, no one has to know. 

*

Louis is dragging at football practice again. Coach has been yelling at him the entire practice and his teammates are giving him funny looks. Mostly looks of disdain, looks that say Louis is holding them back. Some are other looks, the kind that he got from Harry the other day and now Liam. Niall is looking at him like that. Maybe because he knows that Louis is better than this. Or maybe because he’s Louis’ friend and actually gives a damn. Louis tries to ignore them - all of them - but the truth is, it’s all getting to him. The stares and the jeers from Coach and the lingering _ thing _ that he’s not acknowledging but that’s hovering in the back of his mind, just _ waiting _ for a crack to form in the walls he’s built around it. Those walls are slowly being crushed by the weight of everything Louis is feeling and everything he’s trying not to feel. 

He makes it through practice without the already crumbling walls crashing down around him, but only just. Then, right when he’s made it back to the locker room and he’s starting to breathe a little easier, Coach calls Louis into his office. 

“Is there something going on with you that you need to tell me about, Tomlinson?” Coach asks the moment the door is shut and Louis’ butt is planted in the chair across from his desk. 

Louis is left a little breathless from the bluntness of the question. No easing into it, no giving Louis a moment to get over the spike of anxiety at being called into the office, just a straight forward, brutal inquiry. Maybe Coach thinks he’s doing Louis a favor getting right to the point but really Louis feels like he’s been impaled by it. 

“Um”, Louis mutters, licking his lips nervously. “I--”

“You what?” Coach pushes when Louis takes more than two seconds to think about his answer. “Something’s been up with you for weeks now, and I want to know what it is. You’re one of the best players on this team, but that’s not how you’ve been playing lately. So tell me what is going on.”

Louis doesn’t know what to say. And Coach staring at him as though his hard gaze will somehow light a fire under Louis’ ass is not helping. All he knows is that Coach is _ not _ going to be the first person he tells his most massive secret to. But he has to say something and he needs to say it now before Coach goes off again, only more explosive than last time. 

“I have to quit the team,” comes out in a rush and Louis is already rising from his chair, ready to run, ready to escape Coach’s wrath because he knows that’s what’s coming.

“You what?!?” Coach yells. 

“I’m sorry, Coach,” Louis says, huddling in on himself even as he hurries toward the door. “Thank you for the opportunity.”

“Tomlinson, if you walk out that door, don’t even think about stepping back out on that field again. If you quit, that’s it. There’s no coming back!” Coach is raised up, half bent over his desk, pointing a menacing finger at Louis when Louis chances a look over his shoulder.

Louis rests his hand on the doorknob, gripping it tightly and wishing desperately that he didn’t have to go. “Believe me, I know. I know there’s no coming back from this.” 

And then he opens the door and walks through it, leaving his former Coach gaping at his back. He doesn’t need to know that Louis wasn’t even talking about football. 

*

Louis doesn’t know what he’s doing. Time seems like it’s passing in ebbs and flows and he can’t keep track of it. One minute he’s quitting footie and the next he’s wallowing in his bed again, ignoring the eyes of his roommate that he’s feeling more frequently with each day that passes. He goes to his classes and his job like he’s supposed to and goes for walks when he should be at practice. Or picks up extra shifts at work when he can, even though he’s exhausted. He knows he’ll need the extra money and he hasn’t told anyone he’s quit the football team. He’s not sure he’s going to.

He makes excuses every time Cole tries to see him. He’s scared to tell his boyfriend that he’s pregnant. And the sad thing is, Louis’ not so worried about Cole deciding that he wants nothing to do with Louis and their baby. He’s more worried about what happens if Cole wants to stay. What if he wants to marry Louis? Honestly, Louis thinks he has a fifty-fifty shot at either possibility. 

Another passage of time and Louis finds himself sitting alone in a waiting room. He’s got to get an official pregnancy test done before he can schedule an appointment with an obstetrician. He doesn’t want to be here, especially not alone, but he’s been doing it all alone so far of his own volition so, what’s one more thing? At least he already knows what he’s here for so there won’t be any surprises. 

They call his name and Louis rises from his seat and goes to take another pregnancy test. It’s good to know that this one won’t end in another breakdown. 

Probably. 

*

“Louis?” Harry’s voice pulls at Louis’ sleep. “You’re gonna be late for practice if you don’t get up now.”

Louis groans. He doesn’t want to get up to pretend to go to practice. He just wants to stay here in his bed and sleep until everything goes back to the way it was. His life was nice and uncomplicated before, why couldn’t it stay that way? 

“M’sick,” Louis mutters, pulling the covers up over his head. “M’not going. Coach already knows.” He doesn’t know if Harry can hear the mumbling from under his duvet, but he hopes the message gets across anyway. 

“You’ve been sick a lot lately,” Harry says just as quietly, confirming that yes, he can hear Louis’ mumbles. “Are you okay?”

Louis is tired of hearing that question. Liam’s been asking too, says Louis’ been too quiet recently. Niall asked the other day in the Biology lab they share. He was pretty shocked when he learned that Louis had quit the footie team. Louis made up some excuse about wanting to focus on his studies. That seemed to only make Niall even more convinced that something is wrong. 

Louis sighs. “No, I’m not.” It’s the most honest Louis thinks he’s been in weeks. And just as he expected, it ends in quiet from Harry’s side of the room. He didn’t really expect Harry to care but the silence stings a little. Why _ should _ he care? He and Louis were barely friends over a year ago and then everything fell apart. He has no reason to be invested in Louis’ wellbeing now. Louis closes his eyes again, willing himself back to sleep. 

“Um.” Harry’s voice is still quiet, careful, but Louis can tell that it’s closer. Harry has crossed over from his own side of the room and into Louis’ domain. 

Louis lowers the blanket from his face, peering curiously at Harry over the edge. 

He stands, hovering over Louis and it almost seems like… he’s nervous?

“Is there anything I can do to help? My mum used to make me chicken soup from scratch when I was ill,” he says, playing with a loose thread on the end of his jumper, his face so earnest. “I could make you some.”

He looks so much like the sweet kid Louis met last year that Louis’ heart clenches at the sight of him. “That’s really sweet, Harry. Thank you for offering, but I’m not sure chicken soup can fix me this time.”

“You’d be surprised,” Harry argues with a shy smile. “I’m pretty sure my mum’s recipe is actual magic.”

“I can’t ask you to do that, Curly.” Louis doesn’t know how his old nickname for Harry slips out. They were never extremely close but Harry had seemed to like it before, when they were closer than they are now. In the beginning.

“You didn’t have to, I offered,” Harry says, reaching up to mess with the scarf that holds his hair out of his face. If Louis didn’t know better, he might think Harry was preening a little. 

“I mean, if you insist,” Louis acquiesces easily, trying to smile back. “Thank you.”

Harry nods eagerly. “Yeah, I’ll, um, get to work on that. You just rest. I’ll bring it to you when it’s done.”

The chicken soup doesn’t fix Louis. He knew it wouldn’t. But it feels like maybe something between him and his roommate has been mended, if only just a little. 

*

‘We need to talk.’ 

Louis stares at the text from Cole that he woke up to this morning. It’s been a couple of weeks of dodging his boyfriend, so he probably should have expected this. He knows that Cole is planning to break up with him just from the tone of the text. There’s no way to mistake ‘we need to talk’. That’s precisely why people use it. Maybe they’re hoping they can skip the hard part of actually doing the dumping. At the very least, Louis knows that nothing good comes after ‘we need to talk’.

It’s been two weeks since Louis got the official pregnancy test results from his doctor’s office. He figures he’s probably about 11 weeks along now. Shit, that’s nearly his whole first trimester. He should probably tell Cole and get it over with. He can keep living with the fear of telling him or he can tell him and have one less weight on his shoulders. Of course, he might just be adding more weight if Cole decides he wants to be a part of this. Louis feels like a terrible person for hoping that he doesn’t.

“Lou?” Liam calls, drawing Louis’ attention from his phone. “You kind of zoned out, mate.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Louis answers, turning his phone toward Liam so he can see the screen. “Cole wants to ‘talk’. Think that means he’s gonna break up with me.”

“I’m sorry, Lou,” Liam says with sad eyes, grasping Louis’ shoulder sympathetically as he sits next to him. He watches Louis for a second and Louis knows he can feel the careless shrug Louis gives. “You don’t seem too broken up about it. You’re okay, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis says, setting his phone on the table. “It’s time, I think.”

“Okay. Well, good,” Liam smiles at him, squeezing his shoulder before letting his hand drop. “I’m glad it’ll be mutual at least.”

“Yeah,” Louis says again. He’s always looked forward to his daily meet-ups with Liam at the coffee shop. It’s the one part of their day where they make time for each other no matter what else is going on. Even though they live together, between classes and boyfriends, jobs and extracurriculars, sometimes it’s hard finding the time to hang out, just the two of them. Louis’ starting to dread it a little though. He’s keeping this big secret from his best mate and it’s starting to eat at him. He considers telling Liam now. Maybe he should. 

“Oh, I meant to tell you, Zayn is going to meet us here today,” Liam says, looking apologetic just as Louis sees Zayn walk up to the door of the shop. 

So… no telling him now, then. 

“I have to revise on our anniversary tomorrow because I have a big test the day after so we’re going out to celebrate tonight. He’s apparently got this whole big _ thing _ planned and we’re leaving from here,” Liam continues as Zayn sidles up to the table, planting a kiss on Liam’s lips when he gets to them.

“Hey, Lou,” Zayn greets, setting his stuff on the empty chair on Liam’s other side. “Anyone need anything?”

“No, I’m good,” Louis answers as Liam shakes his head, glowing with happiness at his boyfriend. 

“Okay. Be right back.” Zayn kisses Liam again. It’d be sickening, how cute they are, if Louis wasn’t heavily invested in Liam’s happiness.

The second Zayn walks away to get in line, Liam turns back to Louis. He looks so worried as he asks, “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Nah,” Louis lies. To be fair, it’s just a little lie. He doesn’t mind _ much _. And even if he did, he doesn’t think he could tell Liam and endure that hurt puppy look he gets when he feels guilty. “You deserve a nice night with your boy.”

“Thanks, Lou,” Liam’s face lights up like a kid on Christmas morning and Louis can’t help but be glad he didn’t take this away from him. “Won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Sure,” Louis agrees with a chuckle. He knows that if Liam makes a promise, he’ll do his best to keep it. That’s one of the reasons why Louis loves him so much. 

He hangs out with Zayn and Liam for a while longer and it almost feels… _ nice _. Normal. Just chatting with his friends and not worrying about whatever lies ahead. But then his pocket vibrates and he pulls out his phone. 

‘Can we meet up tomorrow?’ Cole has texted. 

Louis sighs and he’s not sure if it’s a sigh of defeat or relief. He wants to get this over with as soon as possible. But at the same time, even though Cole is the father of this baby, if he can’t tell Liam he doesn’t want Cole to be the first person he tells either. It feels too important. Which may be backward, considering everything. Cole is the father though, and that fact wins out over all of Louis’ mixed feelings. 

‘Are you busy now? Can I come over?’ Louis sends back, biting his nails as he waits anxiously for a reply.

‘I’m about to go into study group. We can meet at the coffee shop after your class tomorrow.’

Definitely a breakup. In a crowded place, where he doesn’t have to worry about Louis making a scene. Though he’s got an awfully mixed up view of their relationship if he actually thinks that Louis would. To be honest, Louis doesn’t really think they should have this conversation in public, but he also doesn’t think Cole is going to give him the option to have it privately. He’ll just keep making excuses. 

‘Okay,’ Louis gives in without any fuss. 

“Everything okay, Louis?” Zayn asks, a watchful eye trained carefully on Louis’ profile as he tucks away his phone. 

“Yeah,” Louis smiles, and that’s definitely relief he’s feeling. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

Zayn smiles back but Louis doesn’t think he’s completely convinced. He lets Louis get away with it though. 

“So,” Louis claps his hands together and changes the subject. “I hear there are big plans for the anniversary tonight!” 

“There are,” Zayn agrees with a nod and smirk. “And they’re secret.”

“No! You have to tell!” Louis whines playfully. “At least tell me!” He adds, reaching over to cover Liam’s ears with his hands. “He can’t hear now. Tell me.”

Zayn shakes his head while Liam bats at Louis’ hands, laughing happily.

Twenty more minutes of Louis goading his friends and making innuendos about their possible plans pass before they have to say goodbye. Louis is happy for them, he truly is. And that’s a nice thing to feel when everything else is in such upheaval. 

*

The flat is empty when Louis gets home later. Harry must have some plans tonight too. Louis feels a sharp sense of disappointment as he tosses aside his jacket and backpack and walks to the kitchen to get something to snack on. He makes avocado toast, making a face at himself even as he does it. He should be making that face at Harry because he’s the one that keeps them supplied in avocado, though he’s unaware that Louis is the one that keeps eating all of them. Oops. 

He carries his snack to his room and eats it there but soon after he’s done, he goes back out to the living room and turns on the tv. It’s too quiet in the flat and Louis can’t handle being left alone with his thoughts. He’s just going to freak out about his conversation with Cole tomorrow if he doesn’t keep himself occupied. 

After about an hour of mindlessly watching tv, Louis can’t take it anymore. He pulls his jacket back on and decides to take a walk. The cool October air clears his head and he’s able to relax a little. Even just seeing other people out and about makes Louis feel a little less alone. 

There’s a fountain at the center of campus that’s always got people hanging out around it, so Louis goes there. He sits on a bench and just people watches and it’s so much better than the canned laughter of the sitcom he’d been watching on tv. He sees people talking on phones and walking to classes and making plans, and it reminds him that no matter what happens, life keeps moving on around you. 

Perhaps that would be depressing for someone else in Louis’ position, but it’s not like that for Louis. It kind of gives him hope. His life isn’t over just because he got pregnant at 19. There are still things to be done, life left to live. It may look different than he was expecting, but it’s there. Always. 

Louis finds himself smiling wistfully. He’s still scared shitless, but he thinks he might be okay in the long run. He looks down at his belly. He’s not showing yet, won’t be for probably another few weeks at least, but he feels a distinct sense of fondness for the life that’s growing in there and a sudden urge to tell someone. He’s not sure who, though. 

Looking up again, Louis catches sight of two blonde girls near the fountain giggling together over a phone and he’s hit with a sudden pang of homesickness because they remind him so much of his sisters. His family. And there it is, isn’t it? The answer he was looking for. So, Louis does what he should have done as soon as his first pregnancy test came back positive. He calls his mother. 

“Louis, it’s so good to hear from you,” his mother gushes and Louis feels like he might cry. “How are you, Boo?”

“Um, I’m okay,” Louis says, straining to keep his voice from sounding like he’s holding back the tears he’s definitely holding back. He rises from his bench, deciding he’d rather not have this conversation in front of so many strangers. “I have something to tell you though.”

“Uh oh,” Louis’ mum chuckles nervously. “Should I be worried?”

Should she? Probably. All at once, Louis is afraid to tell her. Will she be disappointed in him?

“I’m not sure,” Louis answers, sniffing as a tear breaks free and makes its way down his cheek. Oh god, he’s letting her down, isn’t he? He’s so conflicted, putting a protective hand over his belly as he walks. He’s just gotten to a place where he thinks everything might be okay, but the foundation of that belief is still shaky. What if everything still comes crashing down?

“Oh, Boo,” his mother coos at him, “whatever it is, we’ll get through it together, okay?”

“You might regret saying that after I tell you this,” Louis says, closing his eyes against the onslaught of longing and fear. He wishes he could be at home right now, that he could have his mother’s warm embrace wrapped around him. He misses that, misses_ her _. So much.

“Just tell me, baby.” She sounds sad already and Louis’ chest hurts. 

“I’m pregnant.” It comes out as a whisper. Unsure. Ashamed. He hugs his belly with one arm in apology as more tears slip down his cheeks. His baby doesn’t deserve the things he’s feeling, but he can’t help it. 

“Oh,” Louis’ mum gasps, her tone even sadder when she continues. “Oh, Louis.”

“I’m sorry, Mum. I tried to be careful. It was a stupid accident,” Louis cries, ignoring the people he passes on his way back to the flat. Maybe they’re looking at him, but he doesn’t care at this point. They’re just blurs to him anyway. 

“It’s okay, love,” his mother sounds like she’s crying too now. “Do you know what you want to do? Have you talked to the other father? Is it Cole?”

“Yeah, it’s Cole. I haven’t told him yet. ‘M telling him tomorrow,” Louis answers. His parents met Cole a couple of times over the summer and Louis knows that he made a good impression but he thinks even his mother could tell that their relationship wasn’t a forever kind of thing. “Mum,” Louis continues, voice soft as he confesses, “I can’t even imagine doing anything but keeping it.” 

It’s true. Even when Louis first learned he was pregnant. Even when he was scared out of his mind about what that meant, it never once occurred to him _ not _ to keep the baby. 

“I understand, Boo,” his mother reassures him. “I wouldn’t dream of asking you to do any different. You have your talk with Cole tomorrow and then call me. We’ll figure out where to go from there, okay?”

Louis breathes out a heavy breath of relief. “Yeah. Okay. I love you, Mum.”

“Love you too, baby. You hang in there.”

“I will. Talk to you tomorrow.” Louis hangs up and realizes that he’s walked all the way back home already. 

Wiping at his face with his sleeves, Louis walks inside the flat. The lights are on so Harry must be home. 

He sees he’s right when he gets to the room they share and Harry turns from the textbook he’s reading to look at him as he enters. He knows his face must be all red and puffy from crying and he doesn’t even try to pretend otherwise.

“Louis?” Harry calls out as Louis slumps back into his bed. “Are you--”

He shuts up when Louis glares at him. Louis is _ really _ sick of being asked if he’s okay. Apparently the message gets across because Harry doesn’t ask. It doesn’t stop him from putting his book down and crawling off of his own bed to cross the room to Louis’.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asks tentatively. He’s _ always _ so tentative with Louis. But he’s also been so sweet lately and Louis doesn’t know what to do with that. 

“Thanks, Harry, but I don’t think soup will be enough this time,” Louis tells him with a sad smile, sniffling as he hugs the pillow beneath his head. 

“I’m good for more than just soup, you know,” Harry gives him a half-smile, letting a hand bump Louis’ shoulder lightly. 

Louis sniffs again, looking up at him pitifully. “I think I just need a cuddle from my mum. Not sure you can make that happen, Curly.”

Harry shrugs, looking down at the floor. “I mean, I’m not your mum, but I _ am _ pretty good at cuddles. If you want.”

Louis almost feels like crying again. “Yeah? You’d be willing to do that?”

“‘Course,” Harry answers with a quick glance at Louis before his eyes fall back to the floor. “I know we haven’t really been close for a while, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

Now Louis definitely feels like crying. He does his best to hold it in though, instead scooting back on his bed to make room for Harry, watching as Harry crawls in slowly like he’s unsure of what he’s allowed to do. 

He lays down on his side, looking at Louis for some cue on how they’re doing this. “Uhm, how do you want me?”

“C’mere,” Louis says, rearranging Harry so that Louis is laying on his arm, face cuddled into Harry’s neck as they both lay on their sides. Harry’s body wraps around him, engulfing him in his arms, their legs tangling together automatically. 

“Good?” Harry checks once Louis is settled in and it’s been quiet for a few minutes.

“Yeah. Good,” Louis agrees, feeling so warm and cared for. “Thanks, Curly,” he adds quietly. 

“Anytime, Lou,” Harry says, his big hands spread out over Louis’ back like he’s trying to cover him completely in this feeling. “Anytime.”

*

Cole is already at the coffee shop when Louis arrives after his class. He’s sitting at a table with one of his books spread out before him. Why stop studying just for a measly breakup, right? Too bad that’s not all this is, Louis thinks as he walks in the door. He keeps his breathing even and steady as he walks straight to the table and sits down across from Cole. If he keeps this clinical, if he can stop himself from being sentimental, he can get through this without crying. He’s so sick of crying.

“Oh,” Cole says, startled out of his tunnel vision. “You’re here.”

“Yep.”

Louis can see the way he pulls himself up to his full height, pushing his book to the side a little but not closing it. Apparently, he isn’t expecting this to take long. Staying clinical is becoming easier by the second.

“I have something to tell you,” Louis continues but Cole holds his hands up, pausing Louis before he can say anything else.

“Let me go first, please. I need to say this,” Cole rushes out, taking a breath and nodding to himself. “I think we should break up.”

Louis raises an eyebrow, severely unimpressed. “Okay. Can I speak now?”

“Yes,” Cole nods before double-taking. “Wait. ‘Okay’? Just ‘okay’? Did I mean nothing to you?”

“Did _ I _ mean anything _ to you _?” Louis counters, seeing the way Cole sputters. He obviously hadn’t been expecting to have that turned around on him. 

“I-- I mean. Of course you did.” He flushes, refusing to meet Louis’ eyes. The liar. Louis meant little more than a hole to put his cock in and they both know it.

“You never even let me stay after a sleepover, Cole,” Louis argues. “Not even for breakfast. Your books were more important to you than I ever was. And that’s fine. We were what the other needed at the time and now that time is over.”

Cole huffs, obviously insulted and waves a hand at Louis. “Fine. We were a shit couple that’s no longer a couple. If that’s the way you feel though, I don’t understand what else there is to say.”

He tries to pull his book back in front of him, dismissing Louis just like that but Louis puts his hand over the section Cole is trying to read. “I’m pregnant,” Louis tells him. 

Cole raises his head to stare back at Louis, trying to gauge if he’s taking the piss. “You’re kidding.”

“‘Fraid not, stud,” Louis replies, taking the test from the doctor’s office out of his pocket and tossing it on the table. They’d given it to him like he might want to put it in a scrapbook or something. Who knows, maybe one day he will. 

The test is in a plastic baggie but Cole acts like Louis’ just wiped a piss-soaked cloth on the table and it’s going to spread disease to the whole coffee shop. He jumps up, grabbing his book to protect it.

“What the fuck, Louis?!” he whisper-shouts, looking around to see if anyone else is looking. They are. But it’s because he jumped ten feet in the air like his arse was on fire, not because of anything Louis’ done. 

Louis glares up at him. “You told me I was being paranoid when I asked if the condom broke that night.”

Cole looks haunted by the image of that night that Louis has evoked. “I thought you were.”

“Yeah?” Louis asks sourly, as he rises from his seat, taking the test and tucking it back into his pocket. “Maybe take a minute to check next time.”

Cole runs a hand over his hair in obvious distress. “Look, I can’t- I’m just not--”

“Relax, I don’t want anything from you.” Louis shows him mercy, though not because he deserves it. He knows that Cole is a little self-centered but he’s not a _ total _ dick and he can’t cope if Cole comes to the decision that he has to ‘do the right thing’ and stick around. That’s not what either of them needs. “As the other father, you deserved to know. That’s all. And now you do, so, have a nice life, I guess.”

“You’re keeping it, then?” Cole asks catching Louis’ wrist before he can leave. His eyes are wide with disbelief. 

“Yeah, I am.” 

“I could help pay for…” Cole licks his lips like he’s having trouble even saying it. 

“I’m not doing that,” Louis says, tone steely. He has no right asking Louis to have an abortion when he can’t even _ say it _. 

“Okay,” Cole says, holding hands up in surrender, his precious book tucked under his arm. “But it is a valid option, Louis.”

“Maybe so, but it’s an option I’m choosing not to take, _ Cole _. And that is my right, so if you could fuck off, that’d be great.” Louis smiles sweetly. “Good luck with your studies.” He waves his fingers over his shoulder as he leaves Cole standing there. In his past.

It’s time to look toward the future.

*

Louis knows he was supposed to call his mum after his conversation with Cole, but instead, he’s been doing research. He _ will _ call her, but he doesn’t want to have nothing in the way of a plan when he does. He wants options. And, homesickness aside, he thinks he’d like them to not involve going home to mooch off of his mother during his pregnancy. 

He has a job here. It’s just minimum wage at a small department store, but it’s not nothing. He obviously won’t be able to keep it forever, but he has a pretty good balance in his savings account already and he’s found some assistance programs that can help if he falls short. 

After a little while, Louis’ eyes start hurting from the strain of staring at his computer screen and he’s got a little bit of a headache. He seems to always have a headache these days. 

“Hey, Lou,” Zayn greets, walking out to the living room from the bedroom that he and Liam share. He goes to the kitchen to grab a soda before returning, bypassing the sofa Louis’ on to sit in the armchair that he’d claimed as his own the day they’d moved in. Louis thinks he just likes that Liam has to squeeze in close if he wants to sit next to him. 

“Hey, Z,” Louis returns, closing his computer and setting it aside before anyone can see what he’s been googling. He should have just stayed in the privacy of his room. Harry isn’t home. It would have been safe to look up all that stuff in there, but he feels like he’s been closed up in his room too much the past few weeks. “What’s shakin’?”

“Not much.” Zayn sits there blankly watching the television Louis had on as background noise. After a minute he turns back to Louis. “Hey, uh, Harry’s on his way home. He’s had a bit of a rough day, so if you could just be extra nice to him today, I’d really appreciate it.”

“Uh, yeah. Okay,” Louis bites his lip, throwing a concerned glance at the front door like Harry is going to walk through it right now or something. He’s not sure whether to be offended that Zayn thinks he wouldn’t be nice. He and Harry may have not gotten along well for a while, but neither of them was ever outright _ mean _. Maybe a little cold, or at times indifferent, but never really hateful. And it’s been nothing like that lately. Harry’s been incredibly sweet, actually. Louis has no problem trying to return the favor. “Sure.”

“Thanks, mate,” Zayn sounds relieved as he rises from his chair, gripping his soda tight. He smiles at Louis, a mix of sadness and gratitude in his eyes as he starts to head back to his room. 

“Hey,” Louis calls, stopping him before he’s out of the living room. “Is he alright?” Is it ironic that Louis’ the one asking that question this time?

“He will be,” Zayn says, sounding more confident than he looks. “He just really needs his friends right now.”

Before Louis can say anything else, Harry comes walking through the front door, head down. He doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes, stepping around Zayn to try and bypass any kind of conversation until Zayn catches his wrist. 

Harry tenses up, grounding out an, “I’m fine, Zayn,” that definitely doesn’t sound fine, before pulling his hand away completely.

“Harry,” Zayn calls but Harry ignores him, closing himself up in the room he shares with Louis. Zayn sighs, running a hand through his hair and muttering, “stubborn bastard,” at their door.

“Should I stay out here?” Louis asks Zayn. He’s worried about attempting to help and only making things worse, but at the same time he can’t stand seeing Harry in such obvious pain.

“I don’t know, man.” Zayn sounds at his wit's end. “I tried talking to him earlier, but he won’t listen to me. Maybe take a shot at it and, if he won’t listen, we’ll just give him some space. But, like, not _ space _ space, just... _ a bit _ of space, you know?”

“So, just a few inches then?” Louis teases, laughing when Zayn rolls his eyes and gives him the finger. 

“You know what I mean. _ Dick _,” Zayn says fighting a smile. 

Louis climbs off the sofa, leaving his laptop on the side tables as he goes to his room. He knocks softly before opening the door just far enough to stick his head in. 

Harry is lying face down on his own bed. “I’m fine, Zayn,” he says, muffled, into his pillow. 

“Not Zayn, but I can see how you might make that mistake,” Louis jokes, walking slowly into the room as Harry turns his head to peer at him. “We _ are _ both extremely handsome. God-like, really.”

“Full of yourselves,” Harry drawls, rolling onto his side so that he can see Louis more easily.

“Magnanimous, forgiving,” Louis continues to list. 

“Magnanimous literally means forgiving.” Harry raises a brow, unimpressed, but his dimple is showing in his cheek and Louis knows that means that a smile isn’t that far off. 

“I know that,” Louis says with a nonchalant shrug. “I wasn’t sure you did.”

“Suuuuure.”

Louis moves to sit at the edge of Harry’s bed, hand over his heart in mock outrage. “Harry. If I didn’t know better, I might think you didn’t believe me.”

“I don’t,” Harry tells him, finally giving him that smile he’s been looking for. It’s small but it’s there. 

“Heathen.” Louis sticks his tongue out at him. 

“Idiot.”

“Nerd.”

“Jerk.”

“_ Hipster _.”

Harry chuckles at that one. “Is that the best you’ve got?”

“That’s the worst one of the lot, Harry,” Louis tells him with narrowed eyes. 

“Okayyyy.” Harry rolls his eyes, a smile still resting on his lips. 

“Hey,” Louis says, dropping all the humor in favor of talking to Harry seriously for a moment. “I don’t know what happened today and I won’t ask, but I’m here, yeah? If you need anything.”

Harry smiles at him and there’s only a hint of misery in it. “Thanks, Lou. But I’m not sure you can get my mum here for cuddles on such short notice.”

Louis huffs out a laugh. “I mean, I don’t know if I’m as good as you at cuddles, but I’m willing to give it a shot if you are.”

“Get here, please,” Harry says immediately, holding his arms open for Louis to crawl into. 

Once they’re settled, Harry’s head resting on Louis’ chest, Harry offers a quiet, contented, “Thanks, Lou.”

“Anytime, Curly,” Louis repeats Harry’s promise back to him with a smile. “Seriously, though. You don’t have to give me specifics. I just want to know… is everything good with you?”

“Yeah,” Harry answers softly. “Just a lot of things building up over time that reached a boiling point today, that’s all. It’s nothing major, I promise.”

“Okay,” Louis says, accepting his answer, petting Harry’s hair. 

They cuddle until Louis doesn’t think he can put off the call to his mum anymore and then he makes his excuses. He has to go outside to talk to her without being overheard, but it’s a good call. She listens to Louis, hears what he wants and considers the research he’s done. In the end, decides to let him stay in school for as long as he thinks he can. He promises to come home the second it feels too overwhelming to continue and his mum showers him with love and encouragement, making him feel like he _ can _ actually handle this. It’s a nice change of pace.

*

Louis’ first doctor’s appointment comes quickly and, before he knows it, he’s lying on an examination table looking at a grainy image of the tiny bean in his belly and listening to its heartbeat. The sound brings tears to his eyes and he’s filled with so much love for this tiny stranger that’s growing inside him. It’s so sudden and Louis is embarrassed to be crying so openly, but the doctor just smiles at him and tells him that it’s normal. Emotions run high during pregnancy. He’s allowed his tears. 

He notices the small bump that his belly has grown into while he’s lying on the table and when he gets home, he can’t help but be curious. He stands in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom he shares with Harry, shirt tossed on the floor while he runs his hands over his belly. He’s so engrossed by his baby bump that the light that flickers on in their room doesn’t even register.

He smiles, caressing his tummy. “Hi, baby,” he says to it. 

“Louis?” 

Louis gasps, spinning around to see Harry standing in the doorway of the bathroom looking shell-shocked. 

“You’re pregnant?” he asks delicately, eyes flicking down to Louis’ belly.

“Harry, please,” Louis begs, reaching down for his shirt and pulling it on as swiftly as possible. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“Does Liam know?” He looks so uneasy and Louis hates putting him in this position, but he _ needs _ this to be a secret right now. 

“No,” he says honestly. Harry deserves that at least. “No one knows except my mum. Well, and the other dad, but he doesn’t care.”

“He doesn’t care?” Harry looks insulted by the mere idea. “How could he not care?!”

“Can you keep it down?” Louis glances worriedly at the door. If Zayn or Liam think they’re fighting, they’ll probably come to check on them and that’s the last thing that Louis wants. “It’s fine, Harry. We didn’t- we didn’t love each other anyway.”

“Oh,” Harry says dully, moving to sit down on his bed. “Okay.” He sounds lost, his words coming slower than normal. He runs a hand through his hair, appearing agitated. Louis can only imagine it’s due to him asking Harry to keep his massive secret.

“Look, I know it’s a lot to ask,” Louis kneels in front of Harry, pleading with his eyes that he just listen, “keeping this a secret for me, but I’m not ready to tell anyone else, Harry. Please.”

Harry looks down at him and Louis doesn’t understand the amount of pain he can see in the expression on the other boy’s face. “Of course I won’t tell. It’s not my secret to share.”

Maybe Harry is just offended that Louis feared he would blab his secret, and Louis would apologise for that, but he’s too busy feeling a deep sense of relief. He lunges up from the floor, arms circling Harry’s neck gratefully. “Thank you, Harry.”

“Of course, Louis.” Harry’s arms wrap around Louis, embracing him warmly and leaving Louis reluctant to let go. He does, though, because otherwise he’ll kill Harry’s back pulling at him the way he is. Or he’ll have to climb into Harry’s lap and get comfortable there, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. 

He lets go after a minute, still feeling the lingering desire not to but doing his best to ignore it as he sinks back to the floor. Harry studies him closely and Louis can tell that he’s got questions. 

“Go ahead,” Louis says without waiting for the inquiry. He crawls up from the floor and sits next to Harry on his bed, stealing a pillow for himself as he lays back, getting comfortable. “Whatever it is, just ask.”

Harry watches him, mild amusement in his eyes whilst Louis makes himself comfortable on his bed. It fades a moment later though when he remembers what they’re talking about. He shrugs at Louis, lying back next to him so that they can be face to face for this conversation. “I guess I just don’t understand why you feel like you can’t tell anyone. This is huge, Louis. You shouldn’t have to deal with something like this on your own.”

“Well,” Louis sighs, thinking about his answer. “It took me a bit to be okay with it myself. I didn’t _ want _ anyone to know. I didn’t want them judging me or feeling sorry for me.” He plays with his fringe anxiously. “Was feeling sorry enough for myself anyway.”

“Do you still feel that way?” Harry asks quietly when Louis doesn’t continue. 

Louis gives Harry a little smile. “Not really. I mean, I know things are going to be harder for me now, but that doesn’t mean that my life is over. Just that it’s a little more complicated.”

“So, why not tell Liam?” Harry asks, sliding one hand to the center of the space between them. Louis notices, but he doesn’t think Harry is paying any attention to what his limbs are doing. He’s too busy alternating between watching Louis’ face and eyeing his stomach. His fingers twitch while his gaze is on Louis’ belly and Louis hides a smile behind his hand because he thinks he knows what’s happening. 

“I barely have a baby bump, Haz. Are you really so eager to touch it?” Louis chuckles lightly. 

“What? No,” Harry says very unconvincingly as he pulls his hand back towards himself. “I-- Where would you get that idea?”

“I dunno,” Louis gives a half shrug, smirking at him. “Maybe it was the way your hand was inching towards my stomach without you even realising it.”

“Was it?” Harry asks, looking at his hand like he doesn’t recognize it. “No, it wasn’t.”

“It was,” Louis argues playfully, lifting his shirt and letting his belly show. “It’s okay. I don’t know what you expect to feel, but I don’t mind letting you try.”

“Yeah?” Harry looks apprehensive as he holds out his hand, poised to touch. 

“Have at it, Curly,” Louis shrugs again. 

Harry lays his hand softly on Louis’ small bump, skin warm against Louis’ own. His thumb sweeps tenderly over Louis’ flesh, making something flutter in Louis’ chest.

“Ever since I knew that it was possible, I kind of always wished that I was born with the gene that allows men to get pregnant,” Harry confesses, eyes never leaving Louis’ belly. “I’ve always felt… I dunno, like I’d be good at it, I guess. Nurturing a life inside me.”

“Do you have it?” Louis asks but he thinks he can tell the answer by the wistfulness in Harry’s tone. 

“No.” He takes his hand from Louis’ belly, rolling from his side to his back to stare up at the ceiling. “It’s probably stupid, wanting that. As young as we are.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” Louis tells him, scooting closer and resting his head on Harry’s shoulder. “I mean, I would have preferred to wait a few more years. Finish school first. Maybe it would be a different story if I already had someone that I loved to share it all with, but you’re allowed to want whatever you want, Harry. It’s not stupid.”

Harry turns his head to smile at him, wrapping the arm that Louis is laying on around his shoulder. “Thanks, Louis.”

“Hey, I only told the truth. No need to thank me.” Louis smiles back. He doesn’t miss the sly gleam in Harry’s eye when he says it.

“Feel like telling a little more truth?” Harry asks, his fingers brushing soothing circles on Louis’ shoulder through his shirt. 

“This is about Liam again, isn’t it?” 

“Look, I’m not trying to push,” Harry says, earnestly. “You don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to. I just want to understand why you don’t feel like you can tell your best friend something like this.”

“Harry…” Louis takes a deep breath. He remembers seeing Liam and Zayn together and happy the day before their anniversary, and then all loved up after the date that Zayn had planned. He remembers Liam acing the big test he’d had to study for on their anniversary. Liam probably wouldn’t have done any of that if Louis had told him that day in the cafe like he’d planned. 

He looks at Harry and finds the other boy watching him quietly, patiently awaiting an answer. “You’ve met Liam. You know what he’s like. He’d take on my problems like they were his own. I just, I don’t wanna do that to him. He’s happy and doing really well and I don’t want to be the person who changes that.”

“Louis,” Harry says sadly. “Who says that this can’t be one more thing to be happy about? And yes, Liam would want to take your problems on as his own, but so would Zayn.” He pauses, adding more quietly, “So would I.”

Louis feels a sudden onslaught of emotion so he tucks his head into Harry’s neck, hoping he won’t notice. Harry holds him tighter and keeps talking. 

“If all of us are taking on a small part of whatever it is that you need, then the really big stuff gets smaller with each piece we take. It’s not such a heavy burden to bear when we’re all in it together.”

Louis can’t speak, but Harry doesn’t make him. He simply holds Louis, petting his hair and humming to himself. Or maybe to Louis. Louis just listens to the sweet tone of Harry’s voice for a moment. Yeah, definitely humming to Louis. He knows his eyes are probably going to give away how close he was to crying, but he can’t let it go when he recognizes the song Harry’s humming. 

He lifts his head to look at the other boy with incredulity. “Are you humming High School Musical at me?!?”

Harry laughs joyously. “I was wondering how long it would take for you to notice.”

“Such a nerd.” Louis rolls his eyes and lays his head back down on Harry’s shoulder, but his tone is undeniably fond. 

*

It’s nice having someone else know Louis’ biggest secret. He talks to his mum regularly on the phone, but it’s so much better having someone that’s actually nearby. It helps that Harry lets Louis lean on him so much. He wouldn’t even think of turning to the other boy so often for help dealing with his cravings or mood swings - or creative ways of covering his growing belly - if Harry wasn’t so willing and eager to be leaned on. 

Harry yawns, closing the book he’s been reading for one of his classes. 

Louis looks over lazily from his bed. He’s been trying to read for class too, but he’s got half a mind to nap and leave the revising for later. 

“I need caffeine,” Harry says as he scoots off of his bed. He looks over to Louis. “Do you want anything while I’m up? Mayyyybe _ avocado toast _?”

Louis sighs, giving Harry his ‘so done’ face. Ever since Harry found out that his pregnant roommate was the one stealing his precious avocados, he’s been picking on Louis about it every chance he gets. 

“No, thank you,” Louis answers, crossing his arms over his chest. “I think I’m past that phase, just so you know.” 

It’s a lie. He’s not, but he’s determined to keep stealing Harry’s avocados if Harry’s going to pick on him about it anyway. It’s no fun if Harry just _ gives _ them to him. 

“Oh, really?” Harry questions, not sounding even slightly like he believes Louis. “Is Liam the one stealing them now?”

“Must be.” Louis shrugs, looking down at his book. 

“Okay,” Harry replies with the same amount of faux nonchalance. “I’ll just get myself something then.” He heads toward the door, but Louis stops him before he can open it, reaching out to grab his hand as he passes. 

“Actually,” he says, already feeling a little bit bad about it but not enough to ignore his cravings. “Would you mind making me a strawberry milkshake? With the double cream on top, like you do?”

Harry huffs out a laugh, smile smug on his face. “I suppose I can.”

“Thank yooou,” Louis sing-songs, gratefully letting Harry escape his grasp to go do his bidding. He lays back on his bed, content. It doesn’t seem real that there was a time he and Harry didn’t get along. He’s genuinely one of the sweetest boys that Louis has ever met and Louis is glad they’re back on the friendship track. He doesn’t actually know what he would do without Harry and he doesn’t even want to think about a time when that might be a reality again. 

A little while later, Harry comes back to bring Louis his milkshake, offering it up with a sweet smile, a can of Coke in his other hand for himself. 

“Oh god, did you do all this work just for me? I thought you were going to make yourself something too,” Louis laments, taking the shake but not drinking it yet.

“It’s fine, Lou,” Harry assures him as he walks back over to his own bed. “I like helping.”

Louis watches Harry as he settles in to get some more revising done. He doesn’t _ look _bothered, especially not when he glances up and catches Louis watching him. He responds with another smile and Louis can’t help smiling back. 

“Thanks, Curly.”

“I needed a break from reading anyway.” Harry lifts one shoulder, biting down on his smile and running a hand through his hair as he starts reading again. 

*

Louis is nervous. But it’s an excited kind of nervous. He’s on his way to his next doctor’s appointment and this is the big one. This is the one where he can find out the sex of his baby if he wants to. 

“Oh, god, I don’t know what I want to do,” he says to himself, giddy with anticipation as he watches the world fly past outside the window. He keeps clasping his hands together and pulling them apart but he’s not sure if he could stop if he tried, they seem to have a mind of their own. 

“Are you hoping for a certain outcome?” Harry asks, doing his very best to keep his eyes on the road. 

Louis didn’t want to ask his mum to put everything on hold to come to his appointment with him, but he didn’t want to face such a huge milestone on his own. It had seemed too important not to share with someone, so he’d asked Harry to come with him. Maybe at the beginning of the year, it would have seemed impossible that Harry would be the one driving him to the biggest doctor’s appointment of his life, but it feels natural now. Like Harry’s supposed to be here. 

“I don’t know,” Louis answers, staring down at his growing baby bump as he gives the question serious thought. “Seems kind of silly to get all wrapped up in it now that I think about it. I mean, say I wanted a boy because we definitely need more in my family,” he chuckles at the truth of his statement, feeling a certain peace settle over him as he continues. “Even if they’re born a boy, they may not feel like one. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll love them any less. So… no, I guess I don’t have a preference.”

Harry is quiet in the driver’s seat for long enough that Louis gets curious and turns to look at him. He’s staring dutifully out the windscreen but there’s a peculiar kind of grin on his face.

“What are you so smiley about?” Louis asks, tempted to poke him in the side but refraining for safety’s sake.

The glance Harry throws at him, grin tilting higher, sends a shiver down Louis’ back. “You’re gonna be so good at this,” he says, his absolute conviction in Louis’ abilities coloring his every word. And that… that melts Louis’ heart.

“I hope so,” he says quietly, smiling softly back at the other boy, grateful for his faith in Louis.

They go through the usual song and dance at the doctor’s office, taking care of insurance and signatures and Louis needing a wee the entire time. He can’t go as soon as he’s done signing in this time though, something about a full bladder helping the baby show up better on the sonogram. He sits next to Harry as he waits to be called back, unable to stop wriggling and whimpering his discomfort. 

“It’s okay,” Harry tries to assure him, wrapping an arm around him in an attempt to help him sit still. “Let’s talk about something else to get your mind off it.”

Louis looks at Harry like he’s gone absolutely mental. He feels like his bladder might actually burst and Harry thinks he can possibly think about anything else?!? 

“Um,” Harry struggles, looking around the room for inspiration. His gaze falls on a magazine about interior design. “Oh! We should clear out a corner of our room for a cot, right? Or a Moses basket or something?”

It works. All thoughts of how badly Louis needs the toilet fly out of his mind as he stares at Harry in shock. Even with all of his planning about how he could stay in school, it hadn’t occurred to Louis that he might need to change his room situation. Hearing Harry talk about making space in _ their room _ for his baby is jarring for so many reasons. It’s a reminder that Louis doesn’t have it all figured out, that there will be things that he won’t have an answer for because he never anticipated the question. It’s a reminder that he still has _ things to do _ before his baby comes, things that have nothing to do with keeping up with work and school. But most of all, hearing Harry say those words comes with it the realization of just how much Harry Styles is willing to do for him. 

“You-- you still want to share a room with me? Me _ and _ a new baby that’s going to keep us both up at night?” 

Harry looks crestfallen at Louis’ question, scooting back from him so he can look him full in the face while leaving his arm wrapped around Louis. “Were you planning on moving out?”

“No. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I might need to, but it is now. Harry, sharing a room with us will probably be really hard. Hell, sharing a flat with us might be hard. Are you sure you don’t want me to find somewhere else?” Louis asks, watching Harry’s face for the slightest change. He doesn’t _ want _ to move out. He’s not even sure where he could possibly go besides back home to his mum’s house, but he’ll do it if he has to. 

“No, Lou. No way,” Harry answers with such tenderness that Louis feels weak all the way down to his bones. “First of all, if one of us needed to move, I would go. You shouldn’t even be thinking of doing something so stressful in your condition. Besides, do you remember the conversation we had about sharing burdens- god, not that your baby will be a burden, just… I mean the late nights and the less glamorous bits, they get slightly less burdensome when you have a support system. I’m more than happy to be a part of that system, Louis. If you want me to.”

By the end of Harry’s speech, Louis is on the verge of tears. Harry’s just so _ good _ and sweet. Louis can’t stop himself from hugging him, burying himself in Harry’s warm, solid embrace. They stay that way until the doctor calls Louis back. He pulls Harry along with him, hands clasped together tightly the entire way.

Louis felt a shift in his chest in that waiting room, but everything clicks fully into place when they’re looking at the image of Louis’ baby on the sonogram. He’s decided that he doesn’t need to know the baby’s sex so they’re not pointing out anything specific, just showing him the life he’s growing within him. 

When he glances away from the sonogram image to see Harry’s reaction, he finds tears gathering in Harry’s eyes at the sight of Louis’ baby. He smiles shyly at Louis when he catches him looking, almost like he’s embarrassed about being so emotional, and Louis knows right then. He’s going to fall in love with Harry Styles. He’s probably halfway there already. It should scare him, because he’s in a prime position to get his heart broken but, somehow, it doesn’t. Even if he _ does _ get his heart broken, he trusts Harry to break it gently.

*

The stress of keeping up with his classes and having to hide his ever-growing belly is getting to Louis. He’s nearly always on the verge of tears or snapping at someone. Harry does his best to help Louis cope, giving shoulder massages that make Louis moan like a ghost on Halloween and helping him revise when he’s having trouble understanding something. He really is the sweetest. But this time he’s outdone himself.

Movie night with the boys seems like just the kind of thing Louis needs to de-stress. He’s been so busy lately and he really misses his friends. Sure, he sees Liam on their daily meet-ups at the coffee, shop but between Louis switching his order up to avoid caffeine for the baby’s sake and having to hide his growing belly from his closest friend, the meet-ups have become yet another reason for stress in Louis’ life. It’ll be nice if he can just sit and forget all the secrets he’s been keeping for a while.

“Hiya, Lou!” Niall grins in greeting when Harry ushers him into the flat. He sees Louis in their Biology lab, but he’s been complaining about not getting to hang with Louis since he quit the footie team. 

“Niall!” Louis yells back from where he’s sitting, happily swaddled in blankets on the sofa. Harry had helped him get comfortable and the blankets give him the added benefit of not having to worry about anyone noticing his belly.

“Help me bring in the snacks, Niall?” Harry asks, gesturing for Niall to follow him to the kitchen. Liam and Zayn bring out the drinks and if anyone notices that Louis isn’t lending a hand, they don’t say anything. Maybe Harry told them he wasn’t feeling entirely well, or maybe they just think he’s lazy. Oh well. Louis is happy to be catered to no matter the reason.

Liam and Zayn sit curled up together in Zayn’s chair and Niall makes himself at home on the floor with throw pillows and blankets. Harry sits on the other end of the sofa, holding a bowl of popcorn in his lap with his arm resting invitingly over the back of the sofa. If Louis didn’t think he’d get strange looks from Zayn and Liam, he’d scoot over and curl up into Harry’s side.

Over the course of the movie, it seems like gravity takes over and Louis ends up pressed against Harry anyway and it’s nice. All his best friends in one room, laughing and finding solace in good company. Harry must think so too, because he smiles down at Louis before leaning in to whisper, “Tonight might be a good time to tell them.”

“Not now,” Louis deflects, tensing up as he turns back to the movie.

“If not now, when?” Harry asks, his hold on Louis becoming more firm and Louis isn’t sure if it’s supposed to be a reminder that Harry is on his side or if it’s to keep him from running. “You’re not going to be able to hide it for much longer, Louis.”

Louis knows that. Deep down he knows it, but he’d like to pretend for just a little while longer.

“Please, just drop it,” Louis pleads, pulling away from Harry.

Harry’s arm slides off his shoulders, but he can tell that it’s with reluctance. “Louis—“

“I said, drop it,” Louis all but shouts, rising from the sofa with only a little difficulty and storming out of the room. He can feel all the questioning eyes on him as he goes but he doesn’t stop to answer or apologize. He knew he’d have to tell his friends someday, but he’s not mentally prepared for that day to be today.

“Louis, I’m sorry,” Harry says immediately as he follows Louis into their room, closing the door behind him. “I shouldn’t have pushed. It’s your decision and I have no say in it. I know that, I just… I thought it would be easier for you if you didn’t have to hide the pregnancy anymore. I just wanted to help.”

Louis stops his troubled pacing at Harry’s sorrowful tone, looking at the other boy and taking in the way he’s standing there, slightly pigeon-toed and staring back with eyes that beg for forgiveness. He sighs sadly, moving to hug Harry. “You do help, Harry. You help so much. And I know I need to tell them. I do. You’re right, I’ve put it off too long.”

“Maybe, but it wasn’t my decision to make,” Harry counters, hugging back tightly. “I’m sorry.”

A soft knock at the door, breaks them apart and the door opens to reveal Liam standing there. He looks apprehensive about interrupting, but he does it anyway. “Sorry. I, uh, I followed Harry back here to check on you and I couldn’t help but overhear. Lou, are you pregnant?”

The pain in Liam’s voice echoes in Louis’ heart when he hears it. “Yeah, Li. I am.”

Liam stares at him, seeming unsure what to do with this information. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Louis bites his lip, trying to keep himself from crying again. “You were happy, Li. You have Zayn and you’re doing well in your classes and— and I know that this is going to be hard. I had to quit football and I’m already struggling not to fall behind in my classes. I didn’t want to bring you down with me.”

Liam stares at him entirely unimpressed with his excuse, before scoffing sadly. “That makes no sense, Lou. Being there for you, helping you, would never bring me down. You’re basically my brother. I _ want _ to help.”

“I know you do,” Louis says, pulling Liam into a hug. He’s not usually such a big hugger. Okay, yes he is. Can’t blame that one on the hormones. “But you shouldn’t have to. This is _ my _ life now, Liam. It doesn’t have to be yours.”

“Yes, it does,” Liam says, pulling away from Louis’ hug but not letting him go. Not completely. He holds him by the shoulders, making sure that Louis can see the absolute sincerity on his face. “Did you miss the part where I said we’re brothers? You’re always gonna be a part of my life, Louis. And now, so is this baby. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Louis breaks, sobbing as he pulls Liam back into his arms. He’s so grateful that he has such amazing friends. Family, even.

After Liam lets him cry himself out, he and Harry take Louis back to the living room where he lets Niall and Zayn in on his secret too. They all pile on the hugs and promises to help Louis in any way they can and, once again, he’s left with the knowledge of just how lucky he is.

*

The next few months pass by in a blur and as far as Louis can tell, his friends are all doing their absolute best to stick to their promises. Liam and Niall keep gathering used baby furniture from their families for Louis and he’s got quite the collection piled up in his room and a corner of the living room. And what those two can’t cover, his mum assures him that she’s probably got whatever else he needs.

Zayn signs Louis up for a special birthing class for men on Tuesday nights and offers to go with him but something comes up and the schedule changes to Wednesday nights when Zayn has class so he can’t go.

Louis considers asking Harry but Harry’s already done so much for him. He’s bent over backwards to give Louis whatever he’s needed so far and Louis doesn’t want to take advantage of that even if he does seem to like being needed by Louis. He’s thinking of asking Liam or Niall when he finds a parenting book tucked under a notebook on Harry’s desk one day, one of those What to Expect When You’re Expecting books. He was just looking for a piece of paper to borrow (steal) but the sight of the book has him forgetting what he even needed the paper for as his heart clenches in his chest. He hides the book back and keeps looking for paper, stealing a sheet when he finds some. Even if he can’t remember why now, he’ll still need it when he remembers eventually.

Later that night, when they’ve both settled down in their beds and Louis can’t stop thinking about that book, he asks Harry to be his partner for the birthing class.

*

Harry and Louis drive to the first class together. Harry seems more nervous than Louis but Louis assumes it’s because they have no idea what to expect. Neither of them have been to one of these before.

When they arrive, they’re greeted by their instructor, a tall man with a nice smile named Greg. They’re a few minutes early so he points out the refreshments table and tells them that they’re free to mingle with the other class members.

There are three other pairs in the class. Two are obvious couples and the last appears to be brother and sister. They all chat for a few minutes before class starts and Louis feels slightly less nervous going into this with other people who’ve never done it before either.

The first class opens with introductions, everyone telling their name, their partner’s name, and how far along they are. After that, they do some stretching exercises and learn a few relaxation techniques. Some of them Louis likes and some he doesn’t but he does them dutifully just the same. Afterward, Greg goes into a biology lesson complete with diagrams and photos of what is happening in their bodies, what’s happening in _ Louis’ _ body. The whole lesson leaves Louis feeling nauseated and after class Harry gets him cold water to sip until he feels like he’s okay to drive home.

*

Harry is running late for their second class, his shift at the restaurant where he waits tables only ending half an hour before the class starts. He should still be able to make it though and that’s the only reason Louis had turned down Liam’s offer to stay and fill in when he’d dropped Louis off. Well, maybe not the _ only _ reason. Maybe Louis likes having Harry be the one counting out his breaths during the relaxation exercises. Maybe he likes Harry’s hands to be the ones holding him when he stretches. Maybe he’s in way too deep and not even looking for a way out.

Louis keeps checking the time on his phone as he waits at the door to the classroom. Class should have started already but Greg took pity on Louis and said he’d wait a few minutes. Louis knows that time is up when Greg walks over to stand beside him.

“I think we need to get started now, Louis,” Greg says gently. “I can partner up with you until Harry gets here.”

“Yeah, alright,” Louis says, staring out the doorway a few more seconds before he gives in and follows Greg to where the other pairs are sitting in a semi-circle.

They’re barely done with the first stretch when Harry runs into the room.

“I’m here,” he shouts as he appears, breathless and a little sweaty from running. He’s still in his uniform from work but his face lights up with a smile when he sees Louis. “I’m here,” he says again, softer, his words carrying a weight to them that Louis can’t quite grasp.

He walks over and takes his place with Louis, finishing out the stretching and relaxation exercises. Their lesson for the day consists of a video of a male childbirth so they can see what’s going to happen when they go into labour. A C-section is absolutely necessary, but watching it scares Louis more than anything they’ve seen so far.

Apparently Greg knows that the video has caused some discomfort to the pregnant students, so he proposes another relaxation exercise. This one consists of slow dancing with their partner. He turns on a Nora Jones rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” that’s somehow already working to make Louis feel better.

Louis raises his arms and tentatively places them around Harry’s neck. He knows this shouldn’t be any different from all the times they’ve cuddled in the past several months but it feels so much more intimate, even with other people around.

“You don’t have to do anything elaborate,” Greg tells them as he watches his students move to the music. “Just a gentle sway should work. Let your pregnant partner lean on you and take some of the pressure off of their abdomen.”

Louis does as suggested, leaning on Harry and resting his head on his shoulder. “Oh that feels nice,” he moans, enjoying the feeling of being slightly less heavy in the belly region. 

“We can do this at home too, if you’d like,” Harry says with a chuckle. “Anytime you want.”

“Yeah?” Louis asks with a smile. “That’s a big sacrifice to make, Curly.”

“I know,” Harry answers, face suddenly very serious. “It’s such a burden being this giving and wonderful.”

“Shut it, you.” Louis slaps him limply on the shoulder, making Harry laugh again.

“I asked for Wednesdays off, by the way. Just until the class is over,” Harry says, looking down at Louis. “I don’t want to risk leaving you alone again.”

Louis lifts his head to meet Harry’s eyes. They shimmer back at him with a joyful kind of glow and Louis feels absolutely weightless for a moment. He wants to kiss Harry. So much. He almost does, already rising on his tiptoes when the song ends and Greg calls out that class is over.

Louis lowers his arms and feels all the weight he’s carrying settle back into place. “Thank you, Harry,” he says instead, putting on a fake smile. “You’re the best.”

*

Class three is about pain management and possible complications that may occur during both the pregnancy and labour. Honestly, the class is making Louis more and more worried about having this baby.

He’s quiet on the ride home, feeling a jumble of negative emotions. He feels huge and scared and tired. And he can tell that Harry wants to talk, wants to ask him what’s wrong and if he’s okay, but he also knows that Louis hates being asked if he’s okay.

At home, Louis goes straight to the bath and tries to drown his negative emotions there. When he gets out, he dries off and pulls on some pants and stands in front of the mirror. He’s been doing that a lot lately. Mostly in awe of the life growing inside of him but this time with an increasing sense of anxiety. He’s got the miracle of life growing in there but he’s also got to get that life out of him at some point. He wasn’t so worried before he knew what was going to happen, but now he does and he kind of wishes that he could forget again. Also, he’s as big as a house and his belly isn’t the only place that’s showing it. He used to have defined pectoral muscles from playing sports but now they appear saggy and plump from preparing to feed his baby. 

After a few minutes of staring, Harry knocks softly on the door, pushing it open a crack when Louis doesn’t answer right away. He peeks in, and when he sees that Louis is somewhat decent, he pushes the door open farther and steps inside.

“Don’t look at me, Haz. I look like a whale,” Louis says, though he does nothing to cover himself.

“No, you don’t,” Harry argues, walking over and joining Louis at the mirror. He stares at Louis too for a second, eyes roaming over his belly and his chest and up to his face where he meets Louis’ gaze. “You look beautiful.”

Louis turns around and he can’t take it anymore, this warmth and lightness that expands in his chest every time Harry so much as breathes in his direction. He cradles Harry’s cheek in his hand and relishes in the way that Harry leans into it, closing his eyes like it’s all he’s ever needed.

“Kiss me?” Louis asks, shaky even though he’s got an inkling now that Harry might want it too.

Harry’s lips meet his in answer, soft but sure in their pursuit. He holds Louis like he’s precious and kisses him like he never wants to stop and Louis’ heart rejoices. He feels so full of love and he only hopes that he can hold onto it.

*

Louis is warm and happy, laying at Harry’s side later that night when Harry starts fidgeting. Something is bothering him and it makes Louis nervous, so before his brain can go on a wild, probably irrational downward spiral, Louis works up the courage to ask him what’s wrong.

“Harry?” He begins, playing with a few strands of Harry’s hair.

“Hmm?” Harry hums absently, biting at the crook of his index finger.

“What’s wrong?”

Harry turns his head, looking at Louis in surprise. “What? Why would you think something is wrong?”

Louis blinks at him. “I’ve lived with you long enough that I know your habits by now, H,” he says, tenderly pulling Harry’s hand away from his mouth. “I can tell when something is wrong.”

Harry gives him a morose half-smile, before looking down at where Louis is still holding his hand, delicate and timid.

“It’s not something that’s wrong, really. It’s just something I was wondering about,” Harry says, looking at Louis like he has all the answers. Maybe he does. He hasn’t heard the question yet.

“Well?” Louis chuckles tensely when Harry doesn’t continue. He hopes he has the answers Harry is looking for. He’d give him anything if he could. “What is it you’re wondering about?”

Harry bites his bottom lip, not looking at Louis and Louis thinks maybe he’s stalling. He’s not sure why though and it makes him feel restless.

“It’s just… um, I was wondering what happened last year,” Harry says finally glancing at Louis before looking away again. “What I did to make you stop liking me. Whatever it was, I— I don’t want to do it again.”

“What?!?” Louis asks, utterly confused. “Harry, look at me.” He takes Harry’s face in his hands and makes him meet his eyes. “I never stopped liking you. Sure, I pulled back when I realized that I wasn’t like your other friends. I wasn’t into wine and cheese parties and listening to vinyl albums while chatting about classic literature. I was into footie and parties where you dance and get drunk and hook up with people. We didn’t have a whole lot in common so I guess I thought you would get tired of me eventually.”

Harry scoffs at that. “Do you really think I’m that shallow, Louis?”

“Hey,” Louis grouses, tugging at Harry’s hair a bit in retaliation. “You were the one that started looking at me like I was the scum of the earth.”

“What?” Harry squawks, affronted. “No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did,” Louis argues with a joyless laugh, letting his hands fall away from Harry entirely. “You would give that murder stare every time I came home from a party or, um, a sleepover.”

“You mean a one night stand?” Harry corrects, bitterness seeping into his tone.

“Yes, fine. A one night stand,” Louis agrees, growing more incensed by the moment. “And you always spoke to me with that exact tone, judging me for it.”

“You think— You think I was judging you?” Harry asks, quiet all of a sudden.

“Well… yeah,” Louis answers just as softly, immediately unsure. “Weren’t you?”

“No.” Harry shakes his head but doesn’t elaborate.

“So… what was it about then?” Louis asks, watching as Harry folds in on himself at the question. He mumbles an answer but Louis doesn’t hear it so he leans in closer, asking Harry to repeat himself.

“I was jealous, okay?” Harry answers, glaring at Louis for making him say it again. “You would come in at all hours looking completely disheveled and with lovebites all over and I couldn’t stand seeing them on you. I had no right to be jealous but I was and I’m sorry.” All the anger has leached out of him by the time he’s done speaking and he’s back to being hunched over with his head down.

“Oh, Harry,” Louis whispers, reaching to cup Harry’s cheek in his hand, thumb moving in a slow caress over his cheekbone. “You have no reason to be jealous now. I don’t think I could ever stop liking you, babe. I’m pretty sure I’m a little bit in love with you. So… if you want me, I’m yours.”

Harry blossoms like a flower at Louis’ words, no longer shrinking in shame but opening himself up to the possibilities that Louis has offered him. “You mean that?” He asks, eyes glimmering with hope. “You love me? You want to be with me?”

“I do.”

“Me too.” Harry whispers, capturing Louis’ lips in a desperate kiss. It says everything Harry’s been holding in for over a year and Louis is happy to get lost in it. He doesn’t know how long he stays lost, but he’s not worried about it. He knows that no matter what happens, Harry will find him again.

*

Class four is supposed to be twice as long as all the other classes for some reason. They cover what happens after child birth, the hospital stay, and expectations before parent and baby can be discharged. They also cover things like safety seats and childproofing the home. Louis and Harry smirk at each other as they cover the home stuff. They’ve already made all the necessary changes at their flat with a little help from their friends. They did it over the weekend but they’d stopped every few minutes to kiss or cuddle or just be unbearably cute while their friends complained in the background.

Louis blushes even thinking about it. He was never so soppy with Cole but he never loved Cole either. He’s not sure Cole would have endured it anyway and that only gives Louis another reason to be happy Cole dumped him because being affectionate with the people he loves is who Louis is. Louis is pretty sure he’s got it right this time. This time, he’s got a boyfriend who seems to thrive on affection and endearments. They really are kind of perfect for each other despite Louis’ initial worries.

Class seems to end at the normal time but there’s still another hour scheduled for them to be there. Harry and Louis look at each other in confusion and then turn to gaze questioningly at Greg like everyone else.

Greg laughs at all of his waiting students staring at him. “Okay, I guess you’ve all noticed that there was an extra hour on the schedule. Soooo,” he draws out as he moves to open the door, “congratulations, graduates! It’s time to celebrate!”

A group of caterers bring in carts full of fancy snacks and juice and water to drink. Greg informs them they’re free to leave anytime once they’ve had their fill but most of them hover, mingling for nearly the whole hour.

“Do you want another apple tart?” Harry asks after Louis’ wolfed down his third one.

“No, I think it’s giving me heartburn, actually,” Louis answers, pressing a hand to his chest at the discomfort. It’s followed by the worst cramp he’s ever felt in his life. Louis bends, pushing his hands into his sides like he can force the pain away. It doesn’t work. _ “Oh, god.” _

“What? What happened?” Harry asks, bending to meet his eyes. “Lou?”

The pain seems to take it’s time, rolling through Louis’ entire abdomen for a good thirty seconds or so but then it dissipates just as quickly as it came.

“Lou, baby, talk to me,” Harry is pleading when Louis recovers.

“Sorry, I’m fine,” Louis assures Harry, reaching to squeeze his shoulder, and also help himself stand up straight. “I, uh, think I just had a contraction.”

“Oh,” Harry’s eyes get very wide and Louis wants to laugh at how cute he is but he’s also a little nervous. Is this it? Is this the real thing? He’s heard of Braxton Hicks contractions that mimic the real thing.

“Okay, um, I guess we should go to hospital?” Harry asks, even though they went over everything in class. Since Louis’ body doesn’t have a way of announcing when his water breaks, he should go to hospital at the first sign of labour. Just to be on the safe side.

“Yeah,” Louis agrees, saying a quick goodbye to his classmates and Greg as Harry ushers him out to the car and straps him in even though Louis is still very capable of doing that part himself.

“Okay, we have a plan for this,” Harry says, speaking to himself as Louis watches on with amusement. “Okay. Um. Call your mum. I’ll call Liam when we get there. He’ll call Niall and Zayn. Oh! I’ll have to remind him to grab your bag to brin—”

“Harry,” Louis interrupts, putting a hand on Harry’s thigh.

“What? What is it?” Harry asks slightly panicky, glancing over at Louis. “Do you need something?”

“Calm down, love,” Louis laughs. “We don’t even know if this is the real thing. And if it is, it’ll be fine.” Louis is surprised to find that he actually believes what he’s saying, a sense of calm settling over him. He may not be ready in every sense of the word, but he’s ready in all the ways that count.

“Yeah,” Harry says, but he doesn’t sound as sure. It’s okay though. Louis is sure enough for the both of them.

He pats Harry’s leg and then makes the call to his mum. Just as he’s getting off the phone with her, another contraction hits and Harry has to pull over to the side of the road so he doesn’t panic them into a car accident. He holds Louis’ hand and lets him squeeze the life from his fingers.

“You okay?” Harry asks when it’s over, earning a glare from Louis that makes him laugh. It seems that was the reaction he was looking for.

“Menace,” Louis mutters with a half-hearted smirk. He pulls Harry to him and takes a moment to kiss him silly. He’s pretty sure they both feel better as they get back on the road.

Louis is taken back right away once they get to hospital so they can check if he’s really in labour and Harry is left behind to call Liam and take care of paperwork in case Louis is admitted.

It turns out that Louis _ is _ in labour and a nurse goes to get Harry and escort him to the room Louis has been admitted to. He’ll have to wait for his contractions to get closer together before they take him in to have his C-section, so someone comes to give him pain medication while he waits it out.

“Harry!” Louis cheers when he sees his boyfriend. He looks so pretty surrounded by the flowers dancing on the wall. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Harry looks immediately amused and Louis loves that look on his face.

“I know you’re laughing at me but I love that look on your face. It makes you look like a smug arsehole but a _ really _hot one,” Louis tells him because apparently pain medication takes away his brain to mouth filter.

“Well, as long as I’m a hot one,” Harry chuckles, sitting in the chair next to his bed.

“Oh god, we don’t have time to go into all the ways I find you hot,” Louis groans, mournful at not being able to go into it because it’s a really good list.

“Please, feel free to try,” Harry says with a grin, sitting a little closer. “I don’t mind.”

“No, I can’t because I have something important to ask,” Louis insists.

“Oh, Lou,” Harry looks hesitant, putting both hands on the bed like he needs something to help hold him steady. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask important questions when you’re high on pain meds.”

“Pleasssssseee,” Louis begs, picking up one of Harry’s hands and petting it softly. “I didn’t get to ask you before I was on them but I wanted to.”

“Oh, um. I guess that’s okay then,” Harry relents, taking it upon himself to hold both of Louis’ hands in his own. Maybe so Louis will stop petting him like he’s a cat.

Louis takes a deep breath. “Harry.”

“Yes, Louis?”

“You can’t say yes, yet. I didn’t ask…. Or did I?” Louis tilts his head trying to remember. “No. I didn’t ask yet.”

“Oh, sorry,” Harry says instead of trying to explain that he wasn’t answering anything. He’s got that amused arsehole look again and Louis nearly melts.

“Don’t answer until I ask.”

“Okay, I won’t.”

Louis takes another deep breath. “Harry.”

“What can I do for you, Louis?”

Louis pauses. “Can you get me some ice chips, please? They won’t let me have any more food.”

“Um, okay,” Harry answers, confused. “Was that the important question?’

Louis pauses again, trying to remember. “Shit, no. It wasn’t. The ice chips can wait.”

Harry laughs lightly, “Okay.”

Deep Breath. “Harry.”

“Louis, just ask me.”

“I’m trying! If you would stop interrupting,” Louis pouts.

“I’m sorry. I won’t interrupt again.”

“Good. Now, Harry.”

“…”

“Harry, answer me.”

“What, Louis?” Harry answers with a fond sigh.

“Will you go with me when they take me in for the C-section?”

Harry freezes in place, only blinking at Louis for what feels like a long time.

“Are you breathing, Harry?” Louis asks, suddenly worried for his boyfriend who isn’t moving.

“Yes, I’m breathing, Louis, but… are you sure you want me in there? You could wait for your mum. She might be here in time,” Harry sputters. “Or Liam. Would you rather have Liam there?”

“Do you not want to go with me?” Louis suddenly feels a little more sober, his emotions turning from a nice, floaty yellow to a stormy blue.

“Of course, I do,” Harry rushes to reassure him, lifting one of Louis’ hands to his lips to press a kiss to the back. “Of course, I do, baby. It’s just… we’ve only recently figured ourselves out and this seems like a really serious decision.”

“I am serious,” Louis says, disgruntled by Harry’s reaction. “I’m serious about this _ and _ about you. I’m as serious as Harry Potter’s godfather. Are you not serious?”

Harry can’t help but laugh at the pun Louis made, kissing Louis’ hand again before following it up with a kiss to his pouting lips. “I am very serious about you, about us,” he says, smiling when Louis’ frown melts away. “I guess I just wanted to be sure that you won’t regret it later, having me there instead of someone you’ve loved your entire life.”

“I won’t regret it,” Louis promises, patting Harry’s hand placatingly. “I love you now, that’s what matters. And I’ll love this moment more because you’re in it.”

Before Harry can say anything, Louis’ grip is tightening on his hands as he has another contraction.

Eight hours later, Harry accompanies Louis to the O.R. to have his C-section. They ask Harry if he’d like to cut the umbilical cord and he looks to Louis for an answer. Louis gives him a slightly nauseated smile and nods that it’s okay if he wants to, so he does and he looks so proud.

Louis definitely made the right decision in asking him to be here. 

*

Later, when Louis wakes up in his hospital room, his mum is on one side of him, holding his baby girl in her arms. Harry is stretched out on a reclining hospital chair, asleep on his other side. Louis supposes they both had a pretty eventful day.

“Who’s your young man over there?” his mum asks, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

Louis looks at his mum, then turns to look back at Harry, an involuntary smile taking over his face. “That’s my boyfriend, Harry.”

“You’d think that’s something one would share with their dear old mum, before she walked into a room and saw them sleeping together.”

Louis tilts his head at her. “Ha. Ha. He wasn’t even in the bed with me.”

“Looked like he would have been if he was allowed,” she replies wryly.

“Yeah, probably,” Louis doesn’t argue. It’s likely true. “What can I say, he really likes me.”

“Loves you,” Harry mutters from his side of Louis, giving away that he’s awake.

“Oh sorry. Let me try that again,” Louis laughs, holding his belly because it hurts a little when he laughs. “What can I say, he really loves me, mum.”

“Cute,” Louis’ mum hums with a hint of a smile. “Have you named your baby yet?”

“Yeah,” Louis answers, peering over at Harry again because they’d decided on a name together. “Iliana”

“It means ‘ray of light’,” Harry adds, looking back lovingly. “And she certainly was one for us.”

Louis rolls his eyes at Harry’s sappiness but the force of his smile can’t be denied.

“That’s a wonderful name,” Louis’ mum says, looking down at the little bundle in her arms.

Louis couldn’t agree more.

*

When Louis tells his mum that he wants to stay in school now that Iliana is born, she insists on staying for a few weeks to help him get back on track. His sisters are fine with their dad taking care of them for a little while.

Louis accepts the help but it means that Harry has to sleep on the couch while Louis’ mum takes his bed for a bit. They don’t dare sneak and sleep in the same bed even though Louis considers it several times over the course of the weeks him mum stays.

As soon as she goes back home, Harry moves back into their room and Louis immediately demands snuggles that Harry is all too happy to give. Liam, Zayn, and Niall float around the flat, taking turns cooing at and falling in love with Iliana. Niall practically lives with them now and no one seems to mind, especially not Louis. They all help take care of the baby and Louis knows he couldn’t have asked for better friends.

Louis is watching Harry play with Iliana while he should be writing a paper and he can feel that warmth and light feeling expand in his chest again. It does that so often these days.

“We’ll have to figure out what she’s going to call you when she learns to speak,” he says, watching for the moment Harry hears what he’s said.

“What’s wrong with ‘Harry’?” Harry asks, never taking his eyes off the new little love of his life.

He never quiet reacts to things the way Louis expects him to. Loving him is going to be quite the adventure. “I was thinking something more like… ‘Papa’?”

That gets Harry’s attention, his head snapping to face Louis. “You mean…?” He can’t seem to finish that question.

“I mean, I know I was _ pret _ty high at the time, but I believe I remember you saying that you were serious about us,” Louis grins at him because that’s not trepidation on his face. That’s hope and love and everything that made Louis fall for him in the first place.

“I am serious,” Harry agrees taking the baby with him as he makes his way to Louis. “As Harry Potter’s godfather.”

Louis laughs, falling onto his bed as Harry follows him down, making Iliana attack him with slobbery kisses.

Louis may have started out trying to do this all on his own, but he doesn’t have to anymore. He’s got three brothers and his child has three loving uncles. She's also got two dads, now, who love her more than anything.

It's incredible that Louis gets to say that.

His child is going to be the luckiest, most loved kid in the world. And that means absolutely everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.


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